Dating Support Network

There you are. Gazing into each other’s eyes across a candlelit table. He grabs your hand and clasps his fingers in yours. The sexual heat mounts. You haven’t slept with each other yet, so tonight could be the night you find out just how big it is. But before you do, the waiter whips the check out on the table. You both eye it with a bit of trepidation, wondering about how big It is. And who is going to pay? Then you both simultaneously lose your boners (let’s pretend girls get boners, too).

Money wasn’t always a source of anxiety when it came to dating. The gender roles were clear: Men pay for dinner and women give the BJs (full-on sex if she has the lobster). But today the negotiation is not as simple. Women are bringing home more bacon these days and paying someone else to fry it up in a pan. They don’t need a man to buy them dinner, especially if it means shedding an obligation to show her ‘appreciation’ afterwards. But even if she can afford to eat at Le Cirque every night of the week, should she pay for dinner on a date? And where does this leave the guy? Does he feel in any way emasculated if a woman pays, especially if he doesn’t make as much as she does? You may not have had the money conversation at this point yet, but it’s usually pretty clear who’s raking in more dough.

Let’s fast forward to an exclusive relationship, post-Honeymoon phase. You’re already over the cute gurgling sounds he makes when he sleeps and stopped laughing at the same ‘man walks into a bar’ joke he tells every new person he meets. In other words, you’re committed and in love, but also neck deep in reality. This could possibly be the man you build your nest egg with. The question is, who’s laying that egg? Who’s going to raise your little chicks while the other is making sure there are enough worms to eat?

Before going down that path, make sure you have a heart-to-heart with yourself about where you stand with money. Disconnect your heartstrings temporarily while you do it so you can factor in all of the cold heart facts about where the money is coming from, and if you care if you’re the one bring it in. For better or for worse, it’s something you shouldn’t ignore, no matter how big (the good) it may be.

What do you say DSN? How does money play a role in your relationship?